Counting our blessings

Openly admitting that the dream process has turned into a bit of a nightmare has good friends and close family urging us to look at the dream we have already acheived and to question our quest for more. Nobody wants to see us suffering, either now, or if and when we pull off this monumental life change, later. The certainty of suffering by staying, settling, struggling here we are trying to avoid, however, makes this temporary or potential suffering undoubtedly worth it. But what we are sure we will feel and already do and have for years felt as suffering is not easily understood. Because it is packaged in what is now an attractive, warm, comfortable home, in a lifestyle of convenience and relative luxury, with the smiling faces of a loving happy family seen as the proof that we have it all.

Our suffering, genuinely felt, of living the life we are supposed to aspire to, rather than the one that actually gives us fulfilment, can not be easily accepted as real suffering, compared with suffering that is instantly recognisable. We are not comparing ourselves to the terminally ill, bereaved, or destitute. Any sadness, frustration, or stress we are going through now or will have to endure in the future is in part down to the upheaval we have created in our lives by questioning and changing the status quo. We choose to make it hard for ourselves, so while we share our thoughts and feelings, we try not to bemoan how uncomfortable or how tired or how stretched we are or ever express lasting regret or let negativity obscure the pride stepping up as the true agents of our lives brings.

But the deep human suffering of living a life that for us feels so very far from natural, and so very far from the one precious authentic human life we feel is everyone’s birthright is something we can not let stand for a single day longer than is in our power to. Life is too dear to waste quietly conforming to consumer society when your soul is screaming that you’re awake in the Matrix and your real world is out there, the real you, in your real life is waiting. When the talent and drive bestowed by the universe is seen but not heard, told to wait, indefinitely, hours and years of creativity squandered, because isn’t a steady salary more important? And a salary to sustain what? Besides food and shelter which need not depend on a salary, all things we do not and never will value above purpose and fulfilment.

Most people are or can decide to be content in their lives, whether they also find fulfilment or not. But we can not choose for what we have here and now to feel enough. Our future happiness is black and white. Whatever plan B or C or D we may have to come up with, and we’re struggling there, there are a couple of absolutely non-negotiables.

  1. Ben must as soon as possible be able to work as a full-time writer on his own projects
  2. Moms must as soon as possible be able to retire
  3. I must be happy with the values surrounding our children as they grow

These are not the things we want. They are our needs.

  • 1. and 2. clearly dictate far less dependency on money
  • 3. depends on making 1. happen
  • so we need to be mortgage free
  • so we must move where property is cheaper to accommodate us all (remote UK or abroad)
  • and buy a property that gives us a potential income (b&b, restaurant, shop, cafe, farm)

1-3 are the substance of the Dream. Plans to acheive the Dream are interchangeable dreams. The Dream is not France. The Dream is not the house in Alas. That is just Plan A. The best dream we could come up with. The consequences of not acheiving the Dream, as soon as possible, is wasted life, soul-destroying work in conflict with inner passion, drive, and method, and soul-destroying, impossible to ignore failure to belong. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but yes, we will feel this way, even in this seemingly idyllic life we have here. And we know we will, because we do, and have done, for years, despite being a happy family, positive individuals, and every day grateful of everything we do have. It is not greedy or entitled or arrogant to do everything in our power, to suffer, to sacrifice, to acheive the Dream; because our needs are real human needs, sadly not met by the blessings we do count every day; and our lives are our own; and it is down to us and us alone to fight for the lives that will be worthy of the precious, short gift of life.

~J

 

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