So it seems that the best dreams…

…must be the ones that rely on nothing but the will to make them happen. I’m off work, after being caught up in a horrific accident thankfully only as a spectator but nonetheless shaken and off kilter. Annie is in hospital having gone through a heart-attack. And our dream house, the Alas house, the waterfall B&B that has it all including a south facing plot of land with mountain view, is looking more and more likely to slip out of our grasp. Can things only get better? The EU ballsup rattles on, today was Jo Cox’s funeral and I still find myself weeping about what happened, our budget has been necessarily slashed by perhaps a quarter and the one house we thought would make it all possible because of situation, cost and flexibility is heading for the rocks. Can things only get better? Our house is raising interest online but failing to reach the point where it actually matters – the viewings – and perhaps only plummeting the price or seeking the risks of an auction might shift what the circumstances have begun to transform into an albatross over our shoulders, the weight of the story of the past four years bringing us all down as it fails to bring our future to life. Can things only get better? I don’t believe in messages from anywhere, signs or signals that something “isn’t meant to be”. “Isn’t meant to be” is what people tell themselves when they want to quit because it’s got hard but need an alibi to off their dreams. “Isn’t meant to be” is a phrase that denies the ability of human instinct and observation to recognise danger or identify patterns, because modern minds need something intangibly external to pin their faith to rather than something intangibly internal. “Isn’t meant to be” assumes that all our dreams, all our ambitions, rest on the things that exist OUTSIDE of us – houses, politics, exchange rates, relationships, money – rather than the fact that they begin and end inside our selves, where nothing in the outside world can damage or corrupt them. Losing out on Alas won’t kill our dream. If that were to be the case the dream would have been flawed and fragile in the first place. It will break our hearts to see Cascade des Reves dissipate into anecdote, but this was only ever one iteration of the real dream, the real life we’re fighting to reach. Far from feeling hopeless when hearing that we had competition for the house and that if they raise the funds before we do then the game is over, I feel empowered. We won’t be pressured. We won’t be pushed around. This is our dream and we will make it happen, and we will make it happen precisely because when external forces seem to threaten the conjuring of our dream we have the internal foundation that we built long ago to fall back on and maybe, just maybe, use to push on and forge something even greater.

|B

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s