Good Wife

Now that the all the important DIY to dos have been done, in time for our first viewing, and the house has had a clean and tidy, it feels like a finished home (even though we know there’s still a dozen jobs left to do before we feel like we have finished). There’s always more good intention than time or energy. But it’s good enough. The house looks so much better than it looked two weeks ago when I was cringing at the thought of people viewing. And it’s finished enough that my mind feels lighter, and I feel free to get on top of the laundry, to think about the kids dinners when I make ours, and to give my all to planning our Vow Renewal ceremony in the garden next week. I feel able to be a 100% better mom, housewife, and wife, even with a wedding and a client meeting every weekend now it’s Summer. And that’s the real sacrifice we’ve made to scramble to our dream. It’s not what we’ve physically gone through and given to the project, it’s not what we’ve gone without, it’s that sense of ease and ability to perform the roles that I want to define my life. I’ve wanted to be these things first: a calm, thoughtful, patient mother able to say yes, and to give all my time to playing and exploring with the kids; an in control housekeeper, with the energy to have a tidy home for Ben and my mom to come home to; and a good wife, able to listen, sympathise, make lunches and iron shirts, and tell Ben to go for a run to clear his head, to be there for him. But that’s not who I’ve been. So this turning point for me is transformative. Four years overdue. So I am happy. Despite barely any interest in the house, obstacles with the mortgage, and an encroaching deadline. Talking about a Plan B or what we’ll do instead if… is no comfort. It’s a time of faith. But we have a marketing plan. We have interim deadlines for action we’ll need to take if and when. We are still the masters of our destiny. I’m not going to miss out on a moment of this Summer, celebrating life, milestones, seeing friends, enjoying the kids. Life doesn’t stop because we’re waiting to see how the chips will fall.

~J

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