Depression

I wouldn’t say I’m prone to depression, I’m prone to feeling overwhelmed. I take on a lot at my own expense. But I’ve always understood my periods of feeling low as situational, circumstantial. So I’m wondering, will I still get depressed when we’re living in France? Some triggers for my depression will be removed. Ben will be with me all the time, helping to balance me, and feeding me with his energy. I won’t have the pressure of clients, deadlines, and of performing. I won’t feel the personal rejection of my work, my style, my voice when it’s too hippy, flowery or poetic, or too optimistic, too idealistic, too romantic for a client. I won’t have the responsibility of facilitating a group of women and helping them talk about parenting, and their personal struggles, leading without being a leader, while feeling insecure about the behaviour of my own children in company. I won’t have the pressure of organising and arranging tradesmen to come and work on the house (I can make Ben do the talking). I won’t have the stress a lack of useable rooms and lack of storage brings. But there’ll be new triggers. Critical reviews of the glamping facilities and experience we provide, including my cooking! Not getting along easily with guests. Feeling home-sick. Being poor. Feeling cut off. Feeling alien in a foreign land. Feeling judged, rejected. Some stuff follows you around. That’s just being human.

~J

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