Reminder for the sads days

Today I had the major sads (the blues, or the mean reds if you’re Holly Golightly). I couldn’t shake it. I wanted to stick a fork in my eye. There was so much that felt out of our control. I felt helpless. So I wrote this:

Every heartbreak has enabled a new revolution of the dream.

Every gutteral low has birthed the most exciting dream yet.

We have moved the dream from

Forest of Dean

to

Wye Valley

to

Isle of Wight

to

Cotswolds

to

Italy

to

France.

Because we have kept looking as if we are making the dream happen now.

Because we have lived the dream in its potential, fully.

Trust that we know intuitively when something feels right.

And know that not acting on a right feeling is a pain that never goes away.

Then with coffee and roulade in bed, we crunched the numbers on a too good to be true ‘Monastery Complex’ we’re in love with and fixated on, and agreed it’s doable, and I got some reassurance from Ben that it wasn’t a stupid exercise. I felt better. We watched a couple of episodes of a new show for us Orange Is The New Black, while Ben rubbed my back and shoulders. I felt better. It’s sunny and crisp this morning. I’m imagining all the little every day ways, breakfast food, laundry set up, life in France will be different.

~J

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