Dreaming is a cycle of thought and emotion that goes something like this:
Feel deep sense of longing -> the ‘what if!’ moment ->lightbulb ‘I have a dream and this is how I’ll make it happen!’ moment -> research -> doubts -> testing the dream -> excitement -> heartbreak -> rehash the dream -> ‘aha!’ moment -> excitement ->research -> test the dream -> heartbreak -> rehash the dream -> research -> excitement -> test the dream -> heartbreak
With each heartbreak comes a crushing of not the dream but the plan we had to realise the dream. It’s a crushing we have to accept and allow to push us all the way back to that original deep sense of longing, the ultimate drive for change, that connects us with the true dream. We can let go of many hundreds of dream plans so that we never have to let go of the dream at the heart of them all. We have to see every revolution of the process as stepping closer to acheiving the dream, because every time the dream plan is rejected, a new more robust, more exciting plan takes its place. It’s survival of the fittest.
Every trip to the Forest and Wye Valley and every drive by a house we’ve seen on rightmove is us testing the plan we have for the house, the area, a series of decisions we make, to reach our dream. Our heartbreak at least weekly sees us get the sads, mope around, lose hope, struggle to be positive, want to comfort eat, want to throw the dream up in the air and stay put, and then gradually start to find a new way to rehash the dream-in-progress, the working dream, gradually start to pick each other up, until we together work ourselves up into a flurry of new excitement, determination and optimism. Knowing even then that we’re in for another blow to our hearts which comes within hours, days, or slow long agonising weeks.