The never-ending journey

We’ve been on a rollercoaster, and I think we’re still on it, only we’re on the bit at the top where the track levels out and you slow to almost a standstill. I keep getting to a point of saying I don’t have anything left to look up, to research. What can I do now to progress our thinking, the search. We’ve gone back to a sensible plan of relocating in two years time from the much more exciting plan of moving this time next year. That’s a blow. We need the pressure of a deadline to stay motivated. Although we’ve agreed to keep to the same deadline to bring the house up to marketable standard so we can kick back and enjoy the place and all our work, for that last year, energy has definitely dipped. This is incredible really since we have been eagerly anticipating our first proper research trip to the area, and it’s now only days away. In a way we’ve already burst our cherry as Ben so elegantly put it, by going spontaneously to view a house we had fallen for last week. The visit was necessary and we don’t regret it but we both came away with mixed feelings. Going there in person had made it real. We had made the place, and the houses real. They somehow could never be as exciting as they had been in our late night dreamcasting sessions or mutual excitement escalation bath chats. It’s taken us three days, which for us is a lifetime, to get over our disappointments, to pick ourselves up and come up with a new way forward. To wipe the slate clean and go back to the essence of the dream. Why we are doing it in the first place, and talk through all the options we haven’t already been through and discarded, to make sure we are on the most exciting dream track we can be. We have come out of our fug, and the other side feels more grounded in reality, I feel more grown up about it somehow. I really don’t like being told not to get carrried away. I believe in getting carried away. But right now, it’s as if that dampening down, that quieting of spirit is what I have made happen within myself.

~Jen

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